September 2009 - Oh What A Difference Four Months Make!

Well four months have passed since those helpless days post surgery. And if you ask me how I am doing, I would have to say good with a "double edge sword" kind of an answer. Good in that my energy returned full force, happy with my new body image and overall, I am happy I made the change. The flip side of the answer is that I am still feeling phantom pains. I have hard lumps of scar tissue that I can't tell if its getting better or not. (I'll have to see what the doctor says about that one....he asked me to give it 6 months to a year before I pass judgement). One side is hard, more erect, more contoured than the other. The left side is soft, flaccid and spread, (not what I expected). The right is more shapely, but that is where the lumps are, so I don't know what to think. I am giving the doctor the benefit of the doubt and I am not worried about it too much, because it is a welcome change not to have the back pain associated with the heavy breast. It is nice to be able to look down and see my abdomen, oh the small pleasures of life!

21 Days Post Op

I've not made an entry in nearly 3 weeks. It's been rough going. Sharp shooting pains throughout both breast. I read about this from other blogs from women who have gone before me. I have stopped taking the strong pain relievers, just Tylenol now and that is not routine. I've been to the doctor every 3-5 days, sometimes twice in one week. I had a complication of this type of surgery, a hematoma (a blood clot under the skin), the doctor assured me that it would dissolve on it's own and be absorbed by my body naturally. Well, it did not go that way,  he had to drain it on several occasions. One day, I woke up and my bed, pj's were soaked. I went to shower and change, and drainage I got like a running faucet through one of the stitches on my right side. It just kept coming. I stood over the  sink and let it drain. Just watching it was exhausting. Low and behold, both sides have been draining, and just watching it is draining, draining my energy. Doctor has put me on antibiotics as a precautionary measure, as it is still a little inflamed.

And speaking of exhaustion....I've tried to get back into a routine of getting out of the house, showering and dressing every day, but the energy it takes to do the simplest things wears me out. 

The stitches are beginning to itch. I got some Neosporin to apply to help ease the irritation. The tightness in my chest and the soreness is so annoying. To stand up straight hurts even though I try to stretch and correct my posture. And sleeping is nearly non-existent. When you are not used to sleeping on your back, you cannot get comfortable and toss and turn all night. I am just now where I can rest somewhat on my side, still not comfortably, but sleep eventually comes. My body clock is all  off because of this condition, and I sleep during the morning and remain awake all night, on the computer, watching television, even these two latter activities are a strain on the back.

Now that I don't have heavy breasts anymore, I am keenly aware of my shoulders being slumped over, so I try to take note of if and stretch through the pain. This is such a process, I keep telling myself it is all worth it and to simply breathe through the pain and soreness.

So a word of advice, if you are under 50, hell under 40 years of age, do not put this off, if you are remotely contemplating breast reduction surgery. The body is not what it used to be as it ages. I am not new to surgery, and I bounced back in a matter of days in previous years, but for some reason (and I can only attribute it to age), this time is different. The healing process is very slow. I hope and pray that when I am done with this, I will be motivated to exercise and take advantage of my new body image to keep it in shape, I am hanging in there, looking forward to a healthy active life again.

Let me remember to list my gratitude after all of the complaints, that I survived this surgery and that I have the space to heal, space from my job, supportive family, loving understanding daughter, and friends. 

Post Op Day 3

It's Monday, and I am still bandaged tight as straight jacket. Can't wait until tomorrow when the dr. takes off the bandages. I must say, I've got the best dr., he takes my calls (returns them in minutes) allays my fears, and addresses my concerns with professionalism and care. My latest concerns have to do with feeling my food go down and the knot half way down my chest because the bandages are so tight. dr. assures me that the bandaging will reduce the incidents of swelling, so I decide to hang in there. he gives me permission to remove the sport bra but leave the bandages undisturbed. I confess that I have extra sports bras, so he encourages me to replace the one he put on me in the operating room, admittedly that it was smaller than my frame size, so the change did bring a modicum of relief.

I've cut back on the meds, not the antibiotics or my regular blood pressure meds, but the heavy narcotic pain meds. They make me so groggy and nauseated I forgo the pain relief as it is becoming more tolerable. This is being a responsible patient, not a martyr!

Memory of the day: Wish I could take a shower and wash my hair! Some of the small pleasures in life, ah!!!

Post Op Day 2

As you can imagine, day 1 post op I was in no shape to make an entry. Between throwing up and managing the pain with near timing and precision, I was glad to see the hours go by.

Today is better, it's Sunday evening and I feel so bandaged, so tight, that I can hardly breathe. I think I will lie down and try and manage this and make this blog entry later.

Memory of the day: Just let me sleep the discomfort away.

Surgery Day

It's the morning of surgery. As I await for my girl friend to pick me up to go to the surgical center, I contemplate my gratitude to my big breast for serving me so well. For breast feeding my daughter when she was a baby, for providing such sexual pleasure of years past.

And now, as other rites of passage, I enter into a new era. An era of no back pain due to heavy breast. An era of being able to look down and see my stomach because my breast will now be in porportion to the rest of my body.

Yes, it's a new day and I am thankful for all of my blessings.

Memory of the day: I am surrounded by the healing energy of light and love and all is well.

-1 Day and Counting

I am just 1 day out from having my breast reduction surgical procedure done. I am a size 44 DDD, and I am having reduction surgery to get to a single D. I was even contemplating going down to a C, but my dr. advises against it, says that a C will appear flat to me and he did not recommend it. This is new territory for me, and I've waited so long to get down to a size where I can elect not to wear a bra if I don't want to. To not have my back constantly hurt all of the time, to have bruises and scars on my shoulders from the weight of my breast. Even when I lose weight, my breast stay the same, so this procedure will be a welcome change.

I celebrated with my girl friend tonight with a nice seafood dinner. We agreed that tomorrow should be a light eating day and doctor's orders are nothing by mouth after midnight. So it is time to go into the zone and see myself covered with healing light and know that my Guardian Angels are with me always, and especially now.

I have been given my prescriptions for pain and antibiotics in advance. I will pick them up tomorrow. I've notified my employer that I will be out of work for several days due to a medical matter. Time sheets are in, and insurance has been taken care of, so now the only thing I have to do is the procedure, rest and recuperate.

I am filled with anticipation of my new body image. I have an entire plan that includes liposuction and a tummy tuck, but that will follow the breast reduction. Financially, I can't handle all of it at once, and I think I would want to heal a little at a time anyway. Stay tuned.

Memory of the day: I am thankful for the energy of healing light and love that surrounds me.